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Diary of a Mad Woman with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome Trying To Get Pregnant
The Diary of a Madwoman Trying to Have a Baby, page 4
Continue on to Page 2 of Diary
Diary of A Madwoman Trying to Get Pregnant, page 3
The Diary of a Madwoman Trying to Have a Baby, page 4
Year 2006
My Original PCOS Story
Mourning My Miscarriage--a New York Times article



January 2004:

My husband and I have decided to adopt an infant. We have our first group orientation meeting with an agency. Right now, I'm very anxious about the process because I seriously want to have a baby of my own. I have this wacky idea that if I decorate a child's room that the baby will arrive sooner. lol.

March 2004: We mailed out all 40-some-odd pages of our inital adoption application. It took my husband and I two weeks, but we finished our various essay questions. It was hard writing about my childhood. Not that the family was very dsyfunctional and my childhood was bad, but because I had to really think about and analyze my childhood as the big picture and not just individual

events. (Plus keep it contained to just one typewritten page!). I had to write about the personality of my family without making us seem NUTSO.

Colorful but crazy was my motto.

But the main thing is that we have laid down the first brick. Hopefully, with God's help, they will accept the application and the next step will be taken.

It's going to cost us about $11,000 to adopt, if they accept our application. The adoption fees (not including seeing a lawyer for the paperwork) will be broken up into 2 payments. Half is due once your photo album is complete and you are put on the waiting parents list, and the other half is due once you get the baby.

I'm very excited, and feeling most optimisitic about becoming a mother. Honestly, it is the first time in two years that I've felt this type of optimism. After they accept the application, it takes about 4 months for everything to be completed and processed then you're on the waiting list for a baby. They said the average wait is six to nine months. Almost like a real pregnancy.

The average age of the infants they place is 8 weeks old. The baby is placed in a safe house, and not with the mother once the baby is born. We then get a journal of the baby's eating, sleeping, and pooping habits. We don't get a say

in which gender, but we do in race.

April 2004: We had a meeting with the adoption agency today. It went very well. They just wanted to ask some follow-up questions to some of the essays we wrote. Mainly they wanted to know if we would be abe to discuss our miscarriages in an open forum (there are 2 group meetings with other adoption candidates required). They also wanted to tell us their stance on corporal punishment (spanking, hitting, shaking), and discuss our bouts with depression.

It was a really cool meeting, and they accepted our registration.

They were very happy that we typed up our answers as opposed to sending it in handwritten. The next step is a letter from our psychiatrists discussing our current emotional state. Then there is the application, the 2 group meetings, 1 individual meeting, and the home visit. Included in all of this is the gathering of important papers, like our birth certificates and our marriage certificates. We also have to create a photo album.

The ball has started rolling. So, the average wait time will be 6-9 months after the homestudy (which will be around August). So, maybe this time next year we will have a little one of our own.

Although we cannot state a gender preference, we are having a feeling for a little girl. :-)

January 2005: Friends:I just wanted to make you aware that there is a good story on PCOS (along with a profile with PCOS sufferer) in this month's issue of Figure Magazine (Jan./Feb. '05). You can pick up a copy at Lane Bryant, Fashion Bug, or Catherine's. You can also read more about the story's subject at Bombshell

. I also wanted to suggest joining href=""> Discovery Channel's Health Challenge. Sometimes, focusing on your entire health (mental and physical) will help in dealing with your reproductive health.

I hope everything is going well for you and that 2005 will be the year that all our dreams come true.

Take care and God Bless you & yours

P.S.: I also wanted to you let you know that in early 2004, my husband and I decided to forgo trying to have a baby naturally and to look into adoption. Within the last month, we were placed in the waiting pool for an open adoption. The waiting is unbearable, but the paperwork was even worse. However, all of the essays we had to write allowed us to explore and to deal with the feelings we had about starting a family. It brought us closer. Hopefully, my next update will be the announcement that I am a mother of a beautiful baby.

MARCH 17, 2005: Today, the social worker calls to tell my husband and I that there is a birthmother who wants to meet us. She has seen our big photo album filled with 20+ pages of photos of my husband, family, and me. IT also contains a three page letter to the birthparents about hour desire to have a child. We are excited and nervous.

March 24, 2005: Today we meet the birthmother. She is not what one expects of a woman putting her baby up for adoption. She is around our age, and a widow. The child she plans to put up for adoption is her last link to her husband. We listen to her as she tells us about her family, her husband, and her other children. She's a warm person. Shy and soft spoken, but warm. I cry as I tell her how much I've longed for a baby. Soon we are both crying. My husband puts his arms around both of us.

After nearly an hour, the birthmother agrees to surrender our daughter and signs the papers. She tells us that she believes that God gave her this baby as a gift to us. Next week, we will be able to pick up our daughter. It would be sooner, but interstate travel papers have to be prepared.

When we come home, my husband and I celebrate with a pricey lunch and then hit Baby Depot. We spend a month's rent on baby supplies--mainly a crib and bottles! We call our family and friends. Two days later, they all converge on our home and surprise me with a baby shower. I'm too happy and surprised to take it all in. At the end, I toast my husband's and my best friends who have been through this journey with us every step of the way. I love them so, and tell them with tears in my eyes.

April 1st, 2005: Today is the day. We are full of anxiety. All of a sudden we're parents. We're also afraid that the birth mother will change her mind. That is not the case. at the agency, we sign more papers then the birth mother gives us our daughter.